Staples in a Bag

by Brendan deVallance

Little Theater
Dixon Place
258 Bowery
New York, New York
January 7, 2008


The tragedy was that the piece was billed as being called "Barb Wire Birds", and that in the end it was not. All reference to birds and barb wire evaporated into the wind. So I did the piece with no title at all. I am now calling it "Staples in a Bag" after the fact.

The Script

Additional music by Magazine,
Young Marble Giants,
Hüsker dü


Intro spiel

The good day is finally here. This is it. I am the big break you have been looking for. And I am not an unremarkable creature. You have traded your comfortable home in the city for this, well at least for tonight. I bring you news from the future. And it is all good. Well, mostly good. Bad people will be vanquished, Wounds will be healed. And your brother-in-law-will win money on the superbowl. But that is as specific as I can get. we need to take stock in our lives and ourselves. What are we here for? Where are we going? And how do we get there. And at what cost? The sound of the shuddering multitudes at the bottom of the ladder. Will this be the music you will be dancing to? Tonights performance deals with all these topics in some obscure way. And if you are smart enough to figure out how to live a productive happy life despite reality and all it’s short comings then I want to be on your team. Unfortunately the world has not been kind to black antlered beasts. What with our allergies and just the general stigma associated with us . . . . But we are the true magical leaders of the unknown world. Set deep in the forrest for eons we have now decided to enter the so-called civilized world. And make everything cooler in general. So if you see one of us on the street be kind. We are the end result of good fortune, not bad judgement and we will help you to make the world a better place. I promise you. And then when our work is done we will return to the forrest and our friends that live there. We are like the band-aid on the scar. of humanity. And we will help bridge our worlds for a dose of true kindness that is really only known in the animal kingdom. Tonights show awaits, please keep your hands to your self during the performance and don’t talk to stangers.


Staples in a Bag

New ideas are like a dream. You have them and them they evaporate, gone. But sometimes the dream becomes real. Really real. Like a boat on a river. Something you can see with both eyes. And touch. And then sometimes the boat floats away without you. But not this time. This time I got it with both hands. It will not get away. It is the single greatest idea in art today. And it will change everything you think you know about art. Soon everyone will be making this type of art. And you can get in on the ground floor by being here. You are some of the luckiest people around right now. So be glad your you. Because this will be world changing. Like rock and roll or the furby or robots. And now it is here: "Staples in a bag"
There I said it, it is alive now. Just that one sentence and the world is changed. Like ice cubes in a tray. The stage is set. Now I know what you are thinking. This is old news, the art media has already explained this as not relevant to todays art market.

<An Art Critic was chosen by volunteer from the audience, she was instructed to read the following:>

Staples in a bag is already played out. This so called ‘movement’ really has no relevance to today’s art world. The medium that you claim to have invented, which has been around for years I might add, is of no real use. It is neither beautiful to look at nor inspiring in anyway. Please audience, do not be taken in by this ruse. The Staples in a Bag art movement is a sham designed to fool you into thinking that it is fine art, but it is merely a lame attempt at post modern rubbish disguised as ironic, mediocre subterfuge. The world would certainly be a much better place without Staples in a Bag, I assure you. Brendan you must be stopped, there is no reason that any of this should exist, and I will do all I can to stop you.
<end Art Critic spiel>

And some are for and some are against this beautiful expression of life on earth. The green people (conservationists, not martians) are agreed that art like this helps the earth because it makes what would be landfill into fine art to be hung on the museum wall. So everyone wins in this art movement. Soon art galleries across the land will be filled with art echoing the Staples in a Bag aesthetic. Oh what a wonderful world. Please help us by getting involved and making this art movement a vehicle for change in the world.
Good luck to you in your life.



End Spiel with Toaster

Oh dear god, please sir wont you let me know the way?
I have but these few moments left to live
And these small items to give.
cant you let me know the way?
For all I own, and all those people I have met
Please do not let me slip through the cracks
I have so much left to give, And the road ahead is rough,
yet I know that I can some how I can make it to the end
Because I am an end maker
And the end always comes at the end
and that is always a good place to be
And when the song is over
and when the show is over
and when the day is over
and when the fear is gone
and when my head is resting on the pillow
I will hold the thoughts of this day in my mind much like the blanket holds me.
The sweet feeling is not such a lost cause
for it will still linger as I awake the next day
And most memories become like dreams
And most dreams fade after we wake
And my hands on the pen start to shake
As I fill the world with the stuff I chose to make

Studio recording of the end spiel (not from the performance)
  After the piece I offered people the chance to get there picture taken with me in the TV head outfit.
Man was that a hard sell.